I miss you. For everything that you are not.
I hate this. I am getting stronger with my statements and wish it wasn\’t so. I hate trying to figure out your intentions. Just tell me whether you want to see me or not. Stop making excuses for disappearing. I don\’t want to ask you out. Be clear with it all.
I miss just spending time with you even though I know it means nothing. I know last time we were watching a movie and we ended just making out. You lying next to me. It all started with me just sitting, leaning against you. You brushed your fingers across my face, as I was lying on your shoulder. Prodding me to suck them, one by one, the salt licks off your fingers. Was it wine? I knew I was sober, probably a high enough tolerance. I didn\’t feel anything, except this desire to be with you.
Stop it.
There\’s so little between us. I wish you were more. I wish I could really lie next to you in true security and happiness. But that\’s not what it is. I am lying in insecurity and desire. You\’re giving me enough to make me want more. But the curiosity is killing me. What do you want? You already know what I want and it\’s not even possible at this stage.
I am no longer settling for second best, because Andy probably wasn\’t the best. But you are. You are a fling. I wish it was more than just that, because right now it\’s killing me in loneliness.
You are only the best in my eyes because there\’s nobody else. Stop it. Stop smelling so good that I wish I could be around you more.
The moment that you put your arms around me when I was playing the piano gave me shivers. I wish it was more than just that. More than just small moments.