he was someone I used to know

\”I hesitated too long, didn\’t I?\” I asked almost smugly.

He had asked me if he could give me a hug. I was opening the front door to my apartment and was caught by surprise. I didn\’t know. But I gave up and just opened my arms anyway.

When I was at Moffit, I decided midnight was going to be my cutoff time to leave. I joked with Mike about the future. And started walking to the elevator.

He had seen me earlier and turned around so that I wouldn\’t see him. But i did. Although I had mistakened him for christopher Fan. The elevators were too slow and instead I took the stairs. Two flights up to the main floor. I walked to my apartment. and suddenly he bounded out of nowherre and caught up with me. It wasn\’t Christopher Fan. It was Jason. The guy who made me so mad and tearful the summer after my freshman year that I cut him off completely from my life.

Remembering my counselor\’s words, I said steadily, \”Hi.\” He smiled back. We exchanged a few words. Small talk. About the summer and our plans after graduation.

Then as we were two blocks from my apartment, he suddenly said, \”I want to ask you…it has been on my mind.\” He stuttered and couldn\’t look at me.

That piqued my curiousity and I gave him a hard stare. \”When I want to say something, I pretend it\’s only text. If I don\’t say anything at all, I won\’t get what I want.\”

He nodded in agreement…and stuttered our, \”I am…I just…I just…wanted to say I am sorry.\”

I stopped walking. \”Sorry for what? Surely I am the one that should apologize. It was my fault for treating you that way.\”

And so somehow a conversation came out of that. This reminded me of the recent conversation I had with Brad. Reflection perhaps. Jason and I stood in front of my apartment complex. I reflected on the last few years and he reflected on his. He said that last year during junior year, he had a huge social shift. He insisted that he was a drama king, but I didn\’t believe him. His friends thought he was annoying and distanced themselves from him. One person ditched him to live somewhere else. I was surprised and countered that by saying that I was the drama queen.

\”So why me?\” I asked. \”Why? Why am I so special? What makes me so different from anyone else? Anyone else you will meet.\”

\”you\’re just—\” he stuttered again. He looked down, averting his gaze somewhere in the distance. His smile trailed the ground. \”I don\’t know how…I just…you are just…something….\” Eventually, he said, \”There are no words to describe it.\”

My first thought was tell me something I don\’t know. I pressed him for a reason.

\”When I saw you tonight, I saw you talking to a group of people at the table. I saw you smiling. A huge smile. I turned my head the other way hoping you wouldn\’t see me, because I didn\’t want to be the one to wipe away that smile.\”

I was surprised, but I didn\’t let him know. In reality, I had only been talking to Mike and had shared the table with other strangers. I always had enjoyed talking to Mike, making random jokes that amused me.

I had to eventually go into my apartment. My hands were cold. I struggled with the lock. I tripped over myself. But I had given him my cellphone number.

Now the question is…would he be annoying to me? Or would I remember why I had first been his friend?