I say that I should have planned it. But then I consider it, no matter if I had planned it, it probably would have ended up the same way. At least, I would have prepared for how unhappy I was feeling, sitting here on my bed—dejected, moody and more aware of how emotional that I can become.
I don\’t like these moments, because this means that I have to cower for awhile until the normal self comes back. I am teary. Every single moment recalls the weakness that I displayed and it sticks, oh it sticks.
I want to flee, dig a deep hole…hide. But I don\’t do that. I want fling myself far far away, but I know that\’s almost a weakness. I don\’t want to be perceived as being weak. Strength is a quality meant to be admired and that is supposed to be what I strive for.
\”Is there anything I can do?\” he asked.
I have heard that so many times. No, there isn\’t. Just don\’t be.
Maybe I do let things simmer too long, but how can I be aware how bothered I am. I pride myself on self-awareness, but in this case, did I not even know how aware I was about how bothered I was?
So in this awkward situation, I stood there with my hands my hip trying not let tears fall as I stuttered through some innate explanation why I was upset. I hesitated in telling him the list, because I just didn\’t have it on top of mind. Having been through bad arguments, there\’s no point in detailing the small things.