I was glad that by the end of it, I felt more at ease. I know that something is wrong when I am intrigued. When I am this intrigued. Intellectually, I know that I need to stop meeting random people.
But I also that if I don\’t meet anybody random then my social network dies with me. It dies because I want it to die. Because of all that I have done.
Am I paring down the people I know? Am I throwing away people that I don\’t want to be around? Am I ignoring those who I don\’t want to see?
There is something inside me that hurts so easily. And I am so willing to sit back to let the tears, the pain flow free. I want to say, \”Hey world, do you sense my pain?\”
But that\’s all it is to it. I sit here, hoping that the music will wash the pain. Can I admit that I completely attracted to the power of alcohol? \”They say that it takes everything away.\” Or how about to feel…faded? Let me just avoid my feelings right now, and maybe it would be ok.
If I wasn\’t with Chris, would these things still be the same? Would I be mixed up and feeling earnest and weird? Would I feel so unsettled?
I didn\’t want to fish for compliments, but it came out that way. I tempered myself, filtering my words.