dents and scratches

A lot of people can\’t get away from not having a car without a dent or scratch. It\’s nearly impossible. For me, it\’s the grinding shock of regret that I reversed the car too much backward. Or the fact that I can\’t accurately guage how far my car is from another. And there is that feeling of regret.

Even if it\’s cosmetic, it\’s…something that bothers you. It\’s the moment you realize that something of value has…lost its value in just mere 3 seconds.

Admittingly, I haven\’t paid much for the cars I drive. The most I pay for the car is a full tank of gas here and there. I paid $200 for one accident that I had when someone else backed up into me.

But the most expensive thing I have ever owned is my laptop. This aluminum powerbook. 12\”. And it\’s still shy of its 90 days and I already have two dents. 🙁 One happened when I accidentally yanked a cord too far. Another was just a couple days ago. I thought my powerbook sleeve would be stronger than this. I paid a lot of money for it. But the sleeve slipped out of my backpack when I was in an angsty mood. And I thought it was ok, but later I discovered it had a dent in front.

When people come near me to look at my powerbook, I always try to cover the dents with my hands. In embarassment. It\’s self-inflicted. But aren\’t most of our accidents self-inflicted? Sometimes people always try to find the blame. Blame someone else to make yourself feel better.

But that\’s truly psychological. It\’s impossible to blame ourselves constantly.

Oh yeah, why do people ignore my disclaimers of my journal. This is the first time I had a journal without a proper disclaimer because I haven\’t gotten the chance to perfect everything.

Why do people only look at what they care about, namely the negative connotations that I speak of? Why do people do that? I always try not to be narrow-minded and yet it seems as if people think I am so. They ignore the conflicts and my own realization that I may be. That I could harbor another perspective, but it\’s never enough. And likewise, I am guilty of the same judgment.