Early in the pandemic, I saw that a friend simply stated on Twitter that she didn’t hug anyone for multiple weeks. No emotion, no tone included. I was struck by that because I couldn’t see whether she was unhappy about it or whether it was a fact. And I wanted to share my experience and actually spent an hour contemplating what I was going to say. Eventually, I replied to it with something about the sort that I hadn’t hugged anyone and actually felt so relieved.
Of course, I got some intense unhappy replies something about how she felt unheard and how I was not nice.
And so as a result, I stopped talking to her, not that we were talking anyway. And vice versa. And it’s been the same ever since.
And even though it’s more than a year later. That is, almost 2 years since the pandemic started. I still feel like I am right. I hate this feeling that I have to hug. I hate the feeling that people want to express their affection through physical touch. Why can’t people express themselves as a way to show affection? Through words of praise, through actions, through dedication of time? And yet, I freeze every time that I have to hug like I am expected to do so. And I am so furious about it still to this day.
I don’t want to hug. Yet, it still goes.