another list

and just like last year, but since then I have kept more to myself

in order of salience

  • I like the way you swing your arms as if imitating a baseball swing. Are you nervous around me or is that a habit of yours anytime that you are standing \”still\”? And the way you speak, with full confidence. And a gentle laugh. Maybe I am stuck in closed mindset, but I wish I didn\’t have to graduate so soon.
  • You were someone I liked seeing every day. Why do we talk so smoothly, almost flirtatiously online. It\’s sort of the same in person, a never-stopping flow. I wonder if I just like the attention or just my admiration of your easy-going air about you. But I think you have a short-term memory and I am cursed with the memory of an elephant.
  • What happened? I never intended to be like this. I sometimes treat you like a servant when I once treated you as my best friend.
  • I am not quite sure what to think anymore. I drove both of us deep into the ground. Do you want to struggle to come back to the surface, so that we are at ease again? Where is the fresh air that we once both had? Am I still attached? Are you still attached?
  • Many people remind me of me, but you remind me of me the most. Hopefully, I wouldn\’t get sick of someone like me. But that hasn\’t happened yet.
  • While we were walking down the street the other day, somehow I directly asked you whether you were gay. It was that moment that made me realize how easy-going our conversation had become. Unlike with some people, I don\’t feel like I am jailed by expectations. But you\’re just nice…and not much else?
  • I let myself judge you on the basis of others\’ perceptions. I should really let myself judge you. When I introduce you to some people, you make these people like you. You don\’t show the pessimism that I think you harbor. When I ask the deeper questions, you avoid them like the plague. But when I ask them indirectly, you\’re always showing me a new side of you that I never knew. Are you lost?
  • It\’s easy to say that you\’re my one true ally. But there\’s so much more to that. An easy ode to burping and farting. An acceptance of one another\’s weaknesses. And a vague admiration of each other\’s strengths. Something that isn\’t shared with other similar relationships I see out there.
  • I don\’t like hypocrites. Even if you say you aren\’t truly one, you can be a little bit more aware of yourself, yeah?
  • It has taken a few years, but I have comes to term with it. It would never worked out with you. Perhaps, it was never meant to be. Look at how much you changed and how much I changed. If you were to come into my life again, I would never choose you.
  • Stop being so intense. Stop being so mellow. This is like some sort of angry masochism to me. It\’s unheathly for me to love the pain.
  • I thought you were so insightful when I first met you. And like one previous friend, that was why I befriended you. And the facade lasted approximately 6 months. You\’re immature. You\’re superficial. Most of all, you\’re just 17 years old. I hope you learn more about the world before you can spit out your sermons.
  • You\’re sometimes so…stiff. I don\’t know how to describe it. A narrow-mindness? A fear of the outside world? I enjoy talking to you, but I hope my usual temper doesn\’t take advantage of me, yet.
  • What happened to you? Did you suddenly become an extrovert? Are you trying to prove to yourself that you\’re somebody? I don\’t respect the decisions that you have made, but good for you for finding joy. There are times I regret that nobody else embodies the same qualities as you do. But is this true regret? Or just high expectations that you almost met?
  • I don\’t feel as much as regret for what I did to you. There are a few times I wonder, what if? But it seems that we both have moved on. It\’s better this way.
  • But you. As of recently, I have been feeling regret. It was only a few years ago that I confided in you so easily. I let it slip all away as a result of a single temper flare turned into sorrowful anxiety. Who would I be now if I still knew you today?
  • You and I have so much in common. I just wish that we talked more about that.
  • I remember last year when my face would flush after a conversation with you. It was exhilirating. You knew the right things to say to make me stay interested. There are a few times I would say, good times all must come to end. But why do I sometimes see your name and want to say something to you. A habit or is it just a simple longing?
  • Laughter. As with a lot of people, I always wondered why you chose to befriend me. I always had a lot of energy. But there are a few times where we struggle to find something to say.
  • Too bad you\’re already attached. You remind me of someone, but you have so much more compassion. And too bad, we\’re constantly in two different places.
  • We lost the connection. What, now?
  • I love the way you laugh. It\’s shrill, almost annoying. But to me, it\’s an endearing. Let\’s talk more over lunch. Even if we\’re always talking about people behind their back. That makes me wonder if you\’re ever talking about me behind my back. At least I hope it\’s good things?
  • Did we drift apart? Or did our circumstances change so much that we couldn\’t relate with each other? Or…furthermore, did you think my expectations of you were too high?
  • I really hope you never had a crush on me. Just don\’t. Don\’t.
  • Sorry, you\’re still stupid.
  • for self note (in alphabetical order): Aaron, Alan K., Alex L., Alex D., Alecky, April, Behrad, Brad, Boris, Cheez, Chris O., Doreen, E, Lele, Mae, Naim, Peggy, Rekuytn, Rob, Seth, Shinelun, Stacee, Tanner, Vikas, Yeh

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