and then it dries up

I feel it…decreasing. The shining brillance that was present in August is already dying. Chris&Chris seem to be talking to me less and less. Personally, I think I never give up. I never would. There\’s always something to say and always something to share.

Both of them have girlfriends. Both of them started class recently. Maybe the dynamics are different. Their chatting styles are different. Less time to do the random chats that we had. Less time to pay attention to the details.

It is somewhat depressing, but it\’s ok. C\’est la vie. Plus I should be returning to my introverted state and be satisfied being by myself.

But. I am getting torn by these emotions and desire. Almost two years ago, I met Sam and was introduced to Jimmy Eat World. You know, that band. I listened to them every day. Then I got sucked into the lyrics, thinking it described my entire world. I put all the albums on repeat, always finding a new song that I loved…for one day. One favorite that would describe everything I felt and thought that particular day. At that time, I never disliked any of the tracks. It was rare music. And also, I couldn\’t help it, but the music had described him.

And then a few months later, I looked back in almost pseudo-dislike. I didn\’t like how I had been so helpless. So wistful. So lost in meaninglessness.

Wait. I am in the same position. I am listening to the new Futures album (illegally downloaded somewhere…by not by me). It\’s so good. And like the previous albums, I find a new favorite every day. I have the entire album on repeat. But this time, the songs remind me of him. How stupid of me to want something that I cannot have.

Although it\’s ok now. We talk less. And my mind wanders onto other things. Like why my file cabinet is still incomplete. And then…how I am still incomplete.