scathing, but not anymore

Two days ago, I was such in a bad mood because my group took so long to do HE. And I was too antsy about finishing everything. I was frusturated that we would spend time arguing (or maybe discussing) each of the individual HE that we wouldn\’t finish the group ones. And that ultimately, it didn\’t matter that the group HEs were wrong or right. It just elongated the process too much and that bothered me.

And I was annoyed we spent time talking about irrelevant things. And how we didn\’t start on time, because everyone else needed \”setup\” time. Like to get settled in. Get coffee. Plug in the power ports. Our quiet time to reaquainted with the computer. I got so feisty on Wednesday when we said we would have a meeting at 2 pm. So I went in and asked…I grumbled when they said…2:30 pm. So I waited. I sort of paced back and forth.

What irony though. I am always so on task in group meetings because I want to get things done as quickly and sufficiently as possible. And for my own work, I let myself fall into procrastination. Hypocrisy maybe. Or is that my inner leader calling itself out. That i want to have control?

I hate how sometimes when I state my opinion, nobody listens…nobody listens until someone backs me up. People ignore me. But is it only me? Do other people have the same problem. Why aren\’t people considering my judgment? And even more so, I would suggest an idea. Then silence. Then one person would take my idea and reiterate as if it was his. Wait a minute? Mine? But I suppose this is how group dynamics go.

Just that I recall in Berkeley, most people were complacent and we wanted to get out of there…rather than being forced to spend so much time together.