feeling lonely

Every so often, i get this feeling that people don\’t like me and that\’s why I am at home alone. Because they forgot about me. Because they don\’t remember me. And because nobody wants me there.

I spend too much of my time trying to make sure that I have a place for myself. That i am not rejected. It comes from experiences where I was the one not wanted. And so ever since, I have been trying to prevent that. And then sometimes I come across these instances, wondering if they just don\’t want me around. And that I am left out. It makes me just want to curl up into a ball in my bed and just sit there all day until the sorrowful pain goes away. But maybe in reality, it\’s not really real. I am just being way too insecure.

And I don\’t like it when I don\’t have my own confidence. I don\’t want unincluded. and I don\’t want to believe that when they go out, they forget to invite me. And perhaps that the event was better off without my presence.

It\’s things like these that take up my time. I am happiest when I choose to go off to do something alone, because I choose to do it and even if someone invited me to do something, I would say no…because I need some of that me time.