silly me

When I had crushes, I used to always deny it. I would never discuss it. If someone asked me who I liked, I would say…nobody. I never revealed who I was fond of. Mostly, because I believed I had no chance. If there was ever an opportunity, I would never take it. If he asked me what I felt, I would think he was making fun of me. I would insult him back.

As I grew older, I realized that I had my own charms. I grew my own confidence.

During my freshman year, I never let my own feelings come to the surface. I was seeking strong friendships more than anything. And so when I was talking to a friend about Alan (way before Alan and I got together), she suddenly turned to me and said, \”You like him, don\’t you?\” She laughed. I laughed in response.

\”Stop denying it, Jenn. You know it.\” She pressed me.

I didn\’t answer her. I just gave her a stern look. I remember I was walking with her to the corner of the extension buildings. Dwight and that street up from Bowditch.

As the next years past, I grew accustomed to telling selected friends who I liked. Sometimes I felt that i degraded myself into a hopeless teenage girl, pining after someone at a distance. Worse yet, I have the tendency to like those that are taken. Whoops.

But I dislike my pining pining part of myself too much. It\’s not like i need anybody now.

There was a story I read today in a resident\’s room. An engineer and the frog. As an engineer, is there even enough time for a true-love relationship?