daughter and father

There was one scene that made me cry during Battle Royale II. To most people, it seems almost arbitrary. Unnecessary. Nonessential to the plot.

But it was the part where Kitano\’s daughter (she was the one who called him the teacher in the first one complaining about how bad he was a father) was talking with her father. He enters the room, playing – calling his daughter on the cellphone… She immediately berates him for entering without knocking. He pauses for a moment and suggest that since it\’s her birthday…that they all should go out and celebrate. She calls him an idiot and says that the birthday was yesterday. Then she tells him to get out. He looks fallen and puts a present on her bed. Then he turns to her and asks if he could ask her something. He mimicks a gun to his head with his hand. \”Should I do this then?\” he asks and mimicks shooting himself. She calls him an idiot, a fool, telling him to get out, to leave.

I don\’t know why\’s that moving, but it\’s sort of similar to the relationship I have with my father. I get irritated at the things he does. Intruding my room. Demanding that I go downstairs when I don\’t really need to. Expecting me to do things that are beyond my capability.

There are times that I don\’t mean to be mad, but I can\’t help it. As a result, my temper befalls onto my father. Without my intention. I can see the pain in his eyes, but I am stubborn and I refuse to do anything about it. Teenage angst?

There was once that I was writing my personal essay for college. More than 4 years ago. I shouted at him to leave my room. I hated how he intruded, demanding that I write about something that I didn\’t care about. My speech problems. I refused to face him, telling him to leave. But just before he closed my door, I said outloud in a pleasant voice, \”Good night.\”

He startled, surprised. A pause. He recollected himself and replied, \”Good night.\”

Hugs were never demanded when I was younger. Now that i am older, it feels so uncomfortable. And the obligatory, \”I love you.\” It pains me that I can\’t say it. Knowing that it probably causes my father pain. What am I supposed to do, wait until the moment that we\’re both dying. In a battlefield? And in our last breaths, we would say those words? That mean so much? I am not a teenager. I am supposed to be an adult.

I helped him with interviewing today. He was earnest. He wanted to improve. When I critiqued his obvious nervousness, he held his head back in thought. \”Yes I need to work on that,\” he commented.

And so. There is. Maybe I cry, because I relate with Shori. I didn\’t appreciate enough, but it\’s not too late? When I was 7 years old, my father went out of his way to take my sister and me to an Easter egg hunt. But we got there an hour late. I was upset and kicked my dad\’s leg. I was mad. But…here, unlike Shori, it\’s not too late. Like BR II, it\’s not the fear of death, it\’s the fear…of being forgotten. Mostly, everyone wants to be appreciated.