My friend told me about his regrets…and encouraged me to \”go make drama\”.
Of course! That\’s me right?
But the thing is that I had a nightmare a few days ago.
We were at a party. I had become my usual cowardly self and talked to other people besides him. The people that I didn\’t feel like there was any chance of rejection. The safety. I know I want something more, but I am so afraid.
But then I see him talking to a girl. She asks him something and he reluctantly nods. They leave room. I notice it, but try to think little of it. I mean, he wouldn\’t be the type. Of course, it\’s platonic. So about 30 minutes later, I go to find him. I want to find out where he is, try to escape my cowardice. Try to be…who I want to be. So I hear some voices in a room. I can tell he\’s there, somehow I just know.
I open the door. It\’s a bedroom there. He\’s there and she\’s giving him head under the covers. I swallow my rejection. He sees me, looks a little surprised. I apologize and quickly shut the door. The rest of the time, I am in a daze wondering if I had a chance and why I never took it. I want to cry, but no tears come out. I swallow my disappointment, my sadness…and know that for the following few days, I need to get over him.
Then I wake up. I realize none of it was true. A dream. But it felt so real and I am still feeling the great anxiety, rejection, disappointment circulating me. I still have a chance, but am I willing to take it? The unknown is killing me, but like most people, we don\’t like stepping in places where we don\’t know if there\’s solid ground.