It\’s all lust, I know.
And it\’s so not my style. I can\’t find the connection with Ben. The deeper connection where I would feel that I have known him forever. I am sad that I can\’t find it.
Nobody has touched me like that since Tanner. But as of now, Tanner is someone I would prefer over Ben. Ben only has that intelligent and cultural awareness lacking in most people I know.
I like Ben. I like spending time with him. Yet that\’s all it is. We don\’t find the same things funny. He\’s so low-key, so mellow. And he doesn\’t ever kiss beyond my lips. I notice that he follows only what I feel comfortable with. I wonder if I am just limiting him or does he care enough?
I know he probably doesn\’t think about it at all. I know he is the type that sees what is good now and seizes upon it. And that\’s it, right?
This morning, I laid my head against his chest in a wistful look. It\’s not going to last when I leave. And the connection I had hoped for was there can\’t be established. Why must it be this way?