I just want to cry. Let the tears seep into my pillow as I used three years ago. When I was lonely and distraught.
I almost feel the same way, but I am not as…shaken. I am too strong now. That I almost don\’t let tears fall. I don\’t even recall the last time that I was shaken up that I cried. When Carol and Marina moved out back in Pittsburgh, the drama, the trauma all left me. And nothing has upset me as much since. I am living a life with just simple pain. And I wish I could let it overwhelm me, but that\’s not how it works anymore.
I miss Chris, of course. But it doesn\’t pull me down as much as things used to. I am not a huddling ball on my bed, having fainting spells. I go out and try to find something better.
It\’s not black. It\’s clear and lit. Come back to me and I\’ll feel so much better. But go away and I am lost. But I am not afraid to figure out the way myself.