I spoke with Jeong once during CHI last April. I don\’t remember what it was about. But he had married for several years with kids all the while working on his masters in interaction design. Everyone admired him–he was the teacher for the communication design class and carried a design sense we all sought after.
But that wasn\’t what we were talking about. For some reason, it had turned into relationships.
\”Being married–meeting someone you want to spend the rest of your life with–is the most amazing thing. It changes your life forever.\” he said.
At that point, I was somewhat resentful at the pairing of the world. And somewhat thinking I would head into spinster land. But the chick movie lover with me had that moment of hopefulness. What if there was someone out there that could change my life forever? What if there is someone who existed who could make me see the world so differently? And I would never be the same again? What if there was someone who I fell so deep, but he carried me back so easily to the surface and with the breath of fresh air, it\’s as if I was born again? What if?
Whenever I see couples on the street, I often wonder their level of happiness. Is it of familiarity? Is it of a comfortable love? Or is it still in the emotional swinging stages of the honeymoon phase? Will it last? Will they still be together 3 years later? Will they look back on this moment and wonder that it\’s a waste of time? Or will it be a fond memory of togetherness?
In some way, I hope that Chris is that one person that can do that all for me. This is probably one of the first weekends that I have spent without seeing him since he\’s in New York. Quite often though, I worry that there\’s this strange distance between him and me. And I read Suzen\’s journal which tripped me into unneeded anxiety.
For 6 mornings earlier this week, I woke to him next to me. Usually, he was rubbing his hands over me…gently caressing me awake. Then I would turn, facing him and he would lean in, kissing me gently. Our morning wakeup kiss. Sometimes I would breath in his scent–round I would call it, but wholly mine. But on occasion, all of this would be so gentle, that I would just fall asleep, him holding me. And then, I would startle and realize how much we overslept. But at that point, we often stared at each other then break into a smile. It\’s all worth it, isn\’t it? we would whisper.
Infatuation possibly. But I want to get over that stage soon.