I gave him an extra hug

This morning, I felt something was not right.

He laid still, almost as if he didn\’t want to wake up and face the world. I was troubled suddenly. Yesterday, he said aloud, \”I just want to work.\”

It was a painful cry and I heard the tremors in his voice. Of anxiety, of pain. Of failure that he believes wasn\’t his fault. I don\’t think it\’s his fault.

But what could I do to fix it. My own failures, my own mistakes and the lack of personal strength. I would buy him the solution if there was one.

So going to work, I gave him an extra hug. I tucked the bunny near him as he mumbled you too to my have a good day, ok? He hugged the bunny and turned over, tumbling back into a sleepful sleeplessness.

When I returned from work, his handiwork was done and the bed was empty. The white shelves were made. My bed made. My stuff carefully piled in the corner. It was as if he was a ghost that cast a spell on my room. It was cleaner, neater. Organized and uncluttered with the books and dvds carefully placed on my bed in grids.

I called him twice. No answer. I felt a strange feeling inside me, wondering if he was falling…falling today. I want to throw out the rope. Catch! I\’ll say and like the movies, he\’ll hold on and I\’ll have the strength to pull him up even as it burns my hands.

But right now, that\’s only a fantasy. It\’s this strange knot inside me. Did he give up? Is he throwing his hands in the air? Am I the one who cares the most (or believes to have cared the most) but he knows I can\’t do anything?

I hold my breath and wish that what I believe to be psychic isn\’t really working.