Suddenly, I am anxious. I am not sure if it’s because I have read so much about sexual misconduct in the workplace. Or is it because I read an article today about a transperson at github being forced out due to some small action that wasn’t even explained to her. I just feel so much disgust and great anxiety for the job beginning on Monday.
I did my best to make sure that the team would be good. But at the onset, I was pleased when the group that I met was mostly female. Not by chance, Mike said, it just happened that way. So I went along, but didn’t quite get what was going on and soon picked up on the fact that they all had coincidentally left.
Will I function okay there?
The strange thing is, as they say, it’s not my first rodeo. I have worked in house a number of times, particularly at the beginning of my career. But for whatever reason, I was able to keep myself from the dirty politics, the sexual harassment. Or as RBG says, I was slightly deaf.
So why do I feel so much anxiety? Is it because I was able to negotiate for a role that is somewhat high-profile, very senior, very exactly what I wanted? Is it because I am resisting the urge to go in house again, instead missing the time of freelancing where I got to control my own schedule?
Or is it that fear that I am being pulled into the corporate world where everyone is driven by what a few executive people determine will be the direction?
I am fearful. But people around me do this all the time. And I shouldn’t have a problem. But there’s that part of me that screams that it doesn’t feel right. But is it just fear of change? Is it instinct? Is it me just longing for the comforts of what I know instead of what I believe is right for me? I have to see about this and then make a decision.