I read that classwork book from Joyce Carol Oates’ masterclass and there was a section on diary. So I am like…fine. I’ll try to do it.
I admit that I miss the days when I used to write every day. Not because I planned to, but it was my way of sifting through my thoughts. As I had for many years, I scorned the idea of a diary. It was those people. It wasn’t for me. But by the time I got to college, blogs and similar were in vogue. So I did it for over 10 years…all up to until Chris moved in and then my time was elsewhere.
Earlier this year, I did morning pages daily almost for six months. I hated all of it. Because I felt like I already knew myself. And yet. Things are always missing.
When I blogged everyday, it was at night often right before bed. It was when I could collect my thoughts and just unleash it on the page. It was completely low barrier and ultimately for me. It was destressing. But the idea that I had to do it first in the morning wasn’t great for me. And to that end, it often felt like task, especially since there was a word count. Ridiculous!
Anyway, lately this week with all those holiday ice breakers, I honestly am a little pissed about all this talk about holiday traditions. What is my favorite? What if I don’t have one? What happens if my family doesn’t fit the ones found in movies and tv? What if it’s not like that? What if it’s just simply absent, a feeling that nothing happens? And that everything else that I do is just trying to copy everything that we see…because it’s some morality thing. That if you’re good, then you can be like them.
I suddenly have so much angst about it. Because of course, there’s some jealousy. Of course, they say: create your own. And ultimately, my favorite is creating a holiday video! And sending it out at the end of the year.
Because that’s how I do it!