So it’s real, isn’t it?

I remember telling what’s-her-name, Leanna…about my imposter syndrome. Insisting that what if…it’s true? What if you’re actually an imposter?

Then I asked, “Is this what you hear from others? When you ask about imposter syndrome?”

She admitted that what I said was very different.

And that’s the thing about it. It is very much so.

That’s what I don’t understand. Maybe it’s a bad idea to have the syndrome at all, because it provides an excuse. it’s simply a cover for lack of confidence. But the key part had always been “evidence to the contrary”.

And yet.

I was told by manager that I needed to take steps toward improvement. “Feedback” she called the meeting. I wasn’t particularly happy about it, but I read through it carefully and thought about what to do. Is it PiP? Who knows? Maybe. Whatever the case, it made me think about how much I really enjoyed this. Did I really like this anyway?

I read on Blind once something about how 1:1s for one person felt like their manager just telling them what they did wrong. So it feels completely ineffective. Am I wrong? Am I always like that? Do I constantly believe it?

I like to flee because it’s the behavior I have established previously. But well so it is. So it is.