i spoke too soon

Senioritis is not supposed to bite me in the back. But to my shock and dismay, I checked my grades online and discovered that I reveived a C in my philosophy course. That grade itself is embarassing.

I had received an A on the first two papers and an A- on the last paper. Knowing that the final counted 40% of the grade, I am not quite sure if I really failed that badly.

But maybe I did?

Two Wednesdays ago, there was a review session for the class. However, it conflicted with a meeting that I had with my workplace. So I opted to go for the meeting. At that time, I had intended that Jason who was in that class to take notes for me and that we would review together later. Of course, circumstances prevented us for doing so. That is, he flaked out on me. He had specifically asked me almost a week before the final whether I wanted to study with him. And by the weekend, he did not get back to me. And I was mad. But I didn\’t want to resort to some embarassing method of calling him and asking.

And here I am with a horrible C. How did that happen? I didn\’t think I really did that poorly. I had reviewed all the notes beforehand. I paid attention. Somehow that morning, some random thing robbed me of sleep. Was that it? Would there be any way to make up the grade? Did I speak too soon when I bragged about never receiving a C in college? A real C that is. Ugh. How did this happen. How did I drop from an A all the way down to a C.

but grades aren\’t supposed to matter that much. I am a senior. But…if I pursue a PHD…does it matter? Would it? Is this an indication of my success? The ambition of how far I would go?