my own thoughts

Sometimes people cannot be helped. I see them fall, stumble their way into doom. Their way into misery. But then, perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps, what I think may be misery is true joy for them. Is it better for them to believe in a naive dream that may possibly come true because they believe in it so much? Or is it better to tear down the dream, because I want them to see the reality?

Why are people so afraid of confrontation? It\’s almost in the origin of my blood. To confront. To be blunt. We hide so much within ourselves just to preserve dignity and good relations.

There was someone I used to know. She was ambitious and bright. At one time, I sometimes stopped to marvel at the successes I admired. The ones that she had garnered herself. But now, I am not sure anymore. but I know I trap myself in narrow-mindedness, forgetting the past and only focusing on the present. But I see her taking the wrong path. A path that perhaps may satisfy her in the present, but it\’s not enough. At the same time, I wonder…am I wrong to say something? To each his (or her) own! Sometimes we are the only ones that really know what is best for us. How can I say otherwise? How could I say that I was disappointed, that the potential for success was pushed aside, forgotten? I cannot, because I believe in self-determination. We find the strength within all of us.

And yet.

The fervor inside me…brings me to a point some days. I want to say, \”You chose to submit to your weaknesses, your lust, your desire.\” Did you not forget what you had wanted?

But then what happened. I admit I misjudge sometimes. There are people who are happy without being truly sucessful. Or perhaps, they believe they have found in happiness in just \”love\”. I thought that wasn\’t enough. That\’s only one satisfaction…where is the self? I want to ask, \”Didn\’t you lose yourself along the way? Didn\’t you forget who you are? Didn\’t you forget who you wanted to be? Didn\’t you forget who you could be? You\’re not just his, you\’re someone, an individual. A person I once had admired.\”

Why complain? Why look at everyone else as if they were naive and unexperienced? And this is also what I am guilty of. Many have different definitions of happiness…and mine is so narrow, so different. Sometimes so defined that I am ready to defend it to death.

And yet it will remain tense. Unspoken words. A few think that confrontations with me will lead only to bad things. But then, it has always been true. I would rather speak my mind, not hold the steam back….than to suffer again.